Diagnosis: Failure to Thrive

"When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be."
~taken from On Being a Mom by Anna Quindlen, pulitzer winner, author, mom to 3

Oh.

That's right.

Sometimes you need reminding.

On this day, during naptime, when I'm feeling aimless and senselessly avoiding my to-do list, I stumbled upon this essay, which was sent by a friend last Mother's Day.

Perfect timing since I'm puzzling (he puzzled and puzzed 'till his puzzler was sore, Dr. Seuss) over how to raise this child, two children soon, and do right by him. At the tail-end of an emotional and physical battle over food, eating and weight-gain (i.e. failure to thrive), I feel spent at times and tearful at my failures as a mother. And now we have a new lesson to learn, both of us. Ari's now in occupational therapy to learn how to be open and accepting to new (i.e. nutritious) foods and I'm in self-mandated mother school to learn the ins and outs of nutrition and offering food to a toddler...and then letting go.

Anna wrote this as well: "Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month-old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk too."

Due to the nature of, well, nature...I know Ari will not need help eating in the fourth grade. I know he will be able to prepare his own meals and buy his own groceries in college. I know my challenges in the kitchen will not impede his ability to develop a healthy romantic relationship in the FAR distant future. But due to the nature of mother-guilt and our need to carry the world on our shoulders, it's difficult sometimes to just provide what's needed, trust, and then let his little hands and mouth take over. I guess this applies to all areas of child-rearing as well. Letting go...a lesson I never thought I needed to learn at my son's tender age of two.