thoughts

It's been rainy here lately (oh blessings!) and Ari has gotten two mornings of use out of this cute little rain slicker, which I could not pass up while browsing through the resale racks almost a year ago. Yes, a year ago...I have nothing, if not forsight. Buy a rain slicker and then move to a desert. Glad I kept it though because I know Grandma Nana is going to love this picture...something about Sascha prancing around in a similar slicker years and years ago :). Now that Ari is walking, we've been going on actual walks...where he walks too. Granted, these are not like the long, butt-busting-for-mamma walks we used to take (unfortunately, and my tush is starting to bear the signs) - the little guy moves a bit slower than I. Here are some pictures of the nature trail near our townhome. If you look closely, you can see that some San Diego trees do change color. We have some beautiful red and yellow leaves here. Some, mind you. This isn't the Midwest.

Unfortunately, fall is my absolute favorite season in Michigan. So I'm a trifle homesick here in SoCal but the lovely rain and cool weather we've been blessed with the past few days has helped buckets. Funny, the people I've met here keep apologizing for the bad weather lately LOL. I just smile and chuckle to myself, the difference in our ideals doesn't really bother me anymore.

Our family has been busy lately. Ari and my social calendar is filling up. We have playdates now and I have two (count 'em - 2) dates with grownup women tomorrow - one for coffee in the morning and one for dinner (a Moms Night Out event) with a group. Strange, how life changes...in the beginning, you try hard to make friends with girls because boys are gross. Then, you have your girlfriends already so you're trying like mad to make friends with some boys (okay, fine - you're trying to get a boyfriend). Then you get married and have kids and realize you don't have any women friends, at a time when you desparately need them. And so, you're out hunting chicks at playdates and the park. It's a funny kind of dance you do...because you don't want to be friends with just any mom. You don't want the "mommy"...you know, the ones that just live for their kids. You're looking for a little sass and independence in there, too. Maybe someone who accidentally drops the f-bomb when their kids are out of range. You know. Someone like me (although I've vowed to work on cleaning up my language now that Ari's starting to talk), as tacky as that can be.

We're settling in. Slowly. Although, lately I've been battling with the whole how-the-hell-do-I-get-anything-accomplished? demon. Again. It's a battle I never win and never have the sense to simply raise the white flag. Silly me. Some background...our days, like most mothers of little ones, are filled with "minutia"....some people may call it that....other people call it "kid stuff". That's what we do all day. We discover. And we fall and bang heads. Cry. Discover. Follow Mom around and pick things off her dust mop. Discover. Whine to be picked up. We hold and are held. We try to run and fall and bang our head. Again. Walk to the park - SLOWLY. Play, play, play. Nap. Crackers and cheese. Yell at the top of our lungs. I need a hug. So, you get the idea. Ours is not a productive home. And at a time when I'm starting to think of going back to work, with the intense dream of running my own practice - having full knowledge of all the prep, planning and research that entails and having full awareness of my rusty skill set - the lack of productivity at home has me a little panicked. When do I polish my skills? While vaccumming? When do I write my business plan? Answer: after Ari goes to bed and I'm bushed. In all honesty, I should be doing it now when he's napping. However, sharing our lives, here in this blog, with our family seems to take precedent in my heart.

And so....I have been grappling with that. Like I said. Until this morning when I had one of those A-Ha moments. While trying to think of a way to pack all that in (efficiency/productivity/multitasking) and knowing full well that I suck at all of that, a thought occured to me. "Who cares?" And I realized that I was starting to think through the eyes of my child. Efficiency and productivity mean crap to him. He'd much rather wander around the fountain outside Gymboree and wave at the people sweating away in the adult gym next door. They wave back, of course, because he's cute as hell and he knows it. To him, that's a productive day. Discovering flotsam and jetsam on the ground, carrying his "treasure" around and showing it to his Mom every 30 seconds. "See Mom, see what I have?" We try so hard to teach them and show them the way...but sometimes you just have to slow down and learn from your kid. "Yes Ari, I see your treasure, thank you for showing me."