Wednesday, May 19, 2010

She's A Lightworker

I received an email in response to the post below. This woman guided three children through the 70s, 80s and 90s...during a time that parenthood was not valued as it is now. I'd like to share a bit of what she said.
Well said and I have no words of comment--except--the rule of doctors everywhere also applies to moms everywhere--First and foremost--DO NO HARM--that is a tall order, and usually only apparent in hindsight. Where were insights and videos like this when I needed them most to put my life into perspective? Where was the approval and the high ideals then? Would have been nice to be valued back then--by the world. But we are not supposed to care what the world thinks--
Yes, I know. Do no harm. Though, I believe it's not just apparent in hindsight. It's apparent front and center...the trick is remembering that in the absolute present...and keeping it when your temper is about to burst like that volcano you watched on PBS with your son last night ("Mommy, those hurt people, don't they?" "Yes they do, honey. Yes they do.")

I forget the Do No Harm ideal. Well. I guess "forget" isn't the right word. Rather, my temper sneaks up, stabs that ideal in the back and pins it to the wall so I can go on a half-second rampage. But that half-second is enough to do some serious damage. This morning, I yelled at my daughter. She's 12 months old. Twelve freaking months. She was crying and whining on the floor while I was simultaneously trying to cook breakfast, prepare school lunch and prep a crockpot meal for dinner. The whining had been going on all morning. It has been a month with precious little sleep for me. The milk was boiling over. And then she started in with some screeching. I lost it. And yelled. The second it was out of my mouth, I regretted it with every cell of my body and scooped her up as she started to cry. And then I started to cry. My tears lasted a good hour and a half longer than hers. Regardless of the soothing and the "I'm sorry's", the damage was already done. In haste, in anger, in lack of self-care...we hurt. The damage was already done. And that's why I spent my morning in tears.

The mother who shared that email had a lot less support than I do. From society. From her partner. From the knowledge that is building a force in this world. And I just shake my head about that lack of support AND at the fact that she did it anyway. She probably would have benefited from some of what we're learning now. About the value of love over competition; peace over war; "there's enough for all" over "gimme my share"; the importance of guiding children (not just raising - you "raise" chickens) in a way that teaches them how to use their worth to change the world.

So..."do no harm"? Impossible. Hell, we harm ourselves. How on earth can we not harm something so fragile (and yet so resilient) as a growing child. But when you start to value the job you're doing...when the world's energy starts to resonate with the worth of that helps. It helps you do less yourself and to your kids. And it helps you remember your function here on Earth...what it was you were sent to do. And maybe, somewhere in the middle of all of that, dear Lightworker, you'll do some good.

Monday, May 17, 2010